It’s been a little while (just a mere 2,5 years) but I’ve been thinking about writing on here again and now feels like the right time.
I won’t go over the past 2,5 years because it’s probably not that interesting: I’ve peaked in my career and now dealing with the fall, I’ve found the loveliest of homes – that I’ve had to leave temporarily to go and help my family – and I’ve had a massive spring clean in the friendship aisle.
It’s been just over 3 weeks since we’ve been on lockdown here in Belgium. At first, I was really super anxious and was thinking I wouldn’t have the strength to face this crisis. I then started to feel like nothing was making sense anymore: why should I get up before noon? What point in changing and getting dressed in anything other than pyjamas? Then, I’ve reached the acceptance stage, the good old “it is what it is, we just have to wait and see”.
I’m still sort of there. This is exactly like going through the stages of grief as we’re all losing something whether it’s a loved one (which is the most terrible!), our way of life, our job or just our habits. Life, right now, sucks ass…
My parents always remind me of that time, where I must have been 15, I told them I wanted my generation to experience a big thing together. I was thinking of the 70s’, disco music, flares and flower power. Instead, we’ve had 9/11 and other joyful terrorist attacks, the financial crisis of 2008, a multitude of other shit things (the 2004 tsunami, the wildfires in Australia, Trump as the US president and many more!) and now, this…
Where hope lies is in the fact that we might come out of this exhausted, terrified and traumatised but with more knowledge. Knowledge about us as an individual, as a community but also knowledge about how we need to change the way we live our lives. We might need to develop ways to be more self-sufficient, or go vegetarian or vegan or find more sustainable jobs or new ways of travelling without impacting the rest of the world.
I’ve already learned that I will stop whining about the little things and appreciate everything a lot more. I’m also positive it will be harder for me to feel at ease with physical contacts, crowds or public transport. And that I’m definitely a germophobe!
But I’ve also learned I can sew, keep busy, have a rich inner life, cook tasty dish, sleep for a very long time and that I want to have a dog and develop a new side-hustle involving canines!
I should probably go now but I wanted to let you know that it’s ok to grieve; welcome each stage and experience your emotions without any shame. Be kind to yourself and stay safe xx